My wife, Jan, and I sat down on our 35th anniversary yesterday to look at the photo album of our wedding. She was gorgeous, in a stunningly beautiful gown and slim figure! I, on the other hand, looked like an 11-year-old. With every turn of the page the album was coming apart due to the aging glue. Jan noted she would need to replace it. That experience prompted thoughts on what it takes to keep a marriage together. Though by no means exhaustive, here are a few ideas she helped me develop.
Service. Every couple needs to know it takes two people to make a marriage work. Both people in the relationship need to invest time and effort in sharing the house chores, raising the children, and nurturing the relationship. Bitterness will set in for the partner who feels the majority of the work has been left to them. Even a married person can feel like a single parent if their spouse is often out of the picture. Marriages work best if both people are striving to out-serve the other. The Bible says it best: “…serve one another humbly in love” (Galatians 5:13, NIV).
Selflessness. It is difficult to live selfless when our human nature trends toward demanding our needs be met. Most folks enter marriage because they believe it will meet their needs. The very phrase, “I need to get married” implies a selfish motive. The Bible does say, “It is not good for the man be alone” (Genesis 3:18), but we must guard our heart from thinking that marriage is about me and not we. In fact, a husband is called to lay down his life for his wife. The Bible declares, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25, NIV). The marriage bond grows strong when you put your spouse’s needs before your own. Ask yourself, “How can I serve my spouse today?”
Forgiveness. Marriage is made up of two sinners. You and your spouse will make hundreds, maybe thousands, of bad decisions through your marriage. You will hear and speak harsh words. Marriage is a struggle because it is a covenant between two flawed people. Just think for a minute what it must be like to be married to you. Sinners need forgiveness. The only way a marriage can survive for any length of time is for both people to practice mercy, grace and forgiveness. Meditate on this verse: “Be kind and tenderhearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32, NIV).
Jesus Christ is the real key to a happy and lasting marriage. His Presence in our lives equips us to keep loving, keep forgiving, and keep serving when marriage is difficult. When two people are both focused on the Lord, they grow closer together. Devotion to Christ is the foundation for a happy home.